---
aliases: ["Never Split the Difference"]
Is A: Note
Author: "Chris Voss"
Topics: ["[[topic-b2b-marketing]]"]
URL: "https://example.com/never-split"
---
# Never Split the Difference
*Chris Voss*

Voss, a former FBI lead international kidnapping negotiator, distills decades of high-stakes negotiation experience into a set of techniques that are surprisingly applicable to everyday business situations. The central premise is that negotiation is not about rational argument or splitting the difference -- it is about understanding and influencing emotions. People make decisions emotionally and justify them rationally, so the most effective negotiator is not the one with the best logic but the one who best understands and addresses the other side's emotional needs. This reframing alone changed how I approach every business conversation.

The specific techniques are practical and immediately usable. Mirroring (repeating the last few words someone said) encourages them to elaborate and feel heard. Labeling ("It sounds like you're concerned about...") validates emotions and defuses tension. Calibrated questions ("How am I supposed to do that?") redirect pressure without confrontation. The "accusation audit" (preemptively acknowledging every negative thing the other side might think about you) disarms defensiveness before it starts. Each technique is backed by real negotiation stories that make the concepts memorable and concrete.

For someone running a content business with sponsorships, partnerships, and vendor relationships, this book is directly applicable. Sponsor negotiations are not adversarial, but they do involve competing interests -- the sponsor wants maximum exposure at minimum cost, and you want fair compensation for your audience's attention. Voss's approach of tactical empathy (understanding the other side's perspective without necessarily agreeing) has made these conversations more productive and more pleasant. The goal is not to "win" but to reach an agreement that both sides feel good about, which is essential for long-term business relationships.

## Key takeaways

- Negotiation is fundamentally about emotions, not logic -- address feelings first, facts second
- Mirroring (repeating last words) is a simple technique that builds rapport and encourages the other side to share more
- Labeling emotions ("It seems like...") validates the other person's experience and reduces defensive reactions
- Calibrated questions ("How" and "What" questions) guide the conversation without making demands
- The accusation audit -- listing every bad thing the other side might think about you upfront -- is disarmingly effective
- "No" is not the end of a negotiation; it is often the beginning, because it makes people feel safe and in control
- Never split the difference: a compromise where both sides are unhappy is worse than finding a creative solution where both sides get what they actually need

## How I apply this

- In sponsor negotiations, I now start with an accusation audit: "You probably think our rates are too high for a newsletter of our size, and you might be worried that the ROI will not justify the spend." This consistently disarms tension and leads to more honest conversations about value and expectations.
- I use calibrated questions when freelancers or collaborators propose timelines or budgets that do not work: "How would we handle the quality review in that timeframe?" This redirects the conversation to problem-solving rather than confrontation.
- Mirroring has become a default habit in all my conversations, not just negotiations. When a reader emails with a complaint, repeating their concern back to them ("You felt the last edition was too surface-level...") before responding makes them feel heard and reduces the emotional charge.

## Related

- [[b2b-content-is-trust-not-traffic]]
- [[newsletter-growth-is-about-trust]]
- [[podcasting-is-relationship-building]]
- [[the-real-job-of-a-newsletter]]
- [[note-how-minds-change]]
- [[note-radical-candor]]
- [[note-thinking-fast-and-slow]]
- [[topic-b2b-marketing]]
- [[topic-newsletter-growth]]
